Failure Man the Comic

Triceracorn!

2009-06-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

(To be feared)

Concerning Snotes

2009-04-29T15:01:00.000-07:00

Day 147.

We have found signs of life on another of Jupiter's moons.

This time it is Callisto.

Day 148.

We are still finding signs of life. We see movement on our moniters, but can't seem to pinpoint anything. We're going to go down onto the moon tomorrow and see what there is to see.

Day 152.

We have managed to one up the Alpha Team. We have found life. This time it is not the type of life that will eat us, though. Beta is better than Alpha! Take that you rotting corpse suckers!

Day 157.

We have two specimens on board. We have decided to name them "Snotes". We have found that there are no male and no female of this species, but they do not seem to reproduce asexually. We cannot find any young Snotes. We will study further.

Day 158.

Snotes are allergic to plants. They cough up ugly red phlegm when introduced to leafy greens.

We cannot seem to find what they eat.

Day 159.

Snote Specimen 1 has died. We aren't sure what the reasons are. See the scientists' notes for more informatio. Snote 2 was released and another one captured. We still can't figure out what is keeping them alive and what they eat.

Day 160.

Here is a photograph of a Snote.

Speens!

2009-03-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

CAUTIONARY MESSAGE TO EARTH:

SPEENS ARE VERY DANGEROUS.

REPEAT:

VERY.

DANGEROUS.

FKKK

2009-03-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

No black fur will be tolerated.

Concerning Speens

2009-03-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

Let not the tragedy of Extinction Destroy the Memory of the Relatively Gentle Speen.

We must work together to Save the Speens!

The Speen (Spatium Macropus) is a relatively tame animal. A relative of our own wallaby, the Speen is rapidly becoming extinct due to loss of Space Eucalyptus. What we know of Speens is this: The mother carries the Wee Speen until it is a month away from being pre-mature. She then transfers the Wee Speen into the father's pouch where it is grown to maturity. Essentially, the mother lays in egg in the father's pouch and the father is then responsible for the Wee Speen while the mother basks in the hot springs of Io (their native home) and waits to be fed from their rapidly dwindling supply of food.

Due to the relative laziness of the female Speen, it has been found that male Speens are growing acutely less interested in finding a mate of the opposite gender and spend their days searching for their own food and hanging out around the Male Speen Pools playing a crude form of Space Poker and drinking Fermented Space Eucalyptus Juice (tricksy Speens) instead of taking part in the four (Earth) month long mating dance each year.

A Speen's gestation is approximately twelve Earth months. The Speen Egg is laid in the male's pouch after one Earth month and the rest of the duties left to the father who then raises the Speen to maturity (11 more months, for those of you not counting).

When the Wee Speen finally crawls out of its pouch it takes it thirteen Speen years (partial to a Nano Speen Spherical Fissure Month or 22 Earth years) to reach mating age.

A Speen lives for approximately 98 Earth years.

To summerize: I vote we build a sort of Space Ark to rescue the Speens and bring them to Earth where we will set up a habitat for them in Mauna Loa.

Air Worms

2009-03-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

The Coffee Shop

2009-03-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

The Coffee Shop was Owned by a family who changed their name as often as they changed the name of their store (about twice a year).

When I walked in it was crowded, but with no one I knew (though I did recognize a fellow typing on his lap top. I think he lived in the coffee shop during business hours and under a bridge at night, but I wasn't sure. I was also fairly certain he was a pirate). Allyson, the oldest daughter of the family, was behind the counter. The spelling of her name changed almost as often as her family's surname.

Further Thinking

2009-03-02T13:24:00.000-08:00

I decided to take a stroll to the center of town to meet up with some friends.
There was a coffee shop which advertised
"Really Superb Sandwiches Which Are Also Quite Good".
The sandwiches weren't half bad which was good because the coffee was terrible.

As I walked I thought more seriously about what it would take to become a superhero.
Spandex. I'd have to lose a couple of pounds.
A cape. But those were optional, right?
Money. They never mentioned it in comics, but money was most always a factor.

Enter Nathan

2009-02-27T05:45:00.001-08:00

Wadstucky wasn't known just for it's ridiculous-sized apartment house.

It was also known for it's incredible pastry shop;

it's down-to-earth charm;

it's high school.

Within the walls of this patriotic brick building,

one student spends his days searching for truth.

Playing a semi-major part in this story we introduce him now:

Nathan Windfall, editor and reporter for the HHS Newsweek

and Independent Junior Reporter (IJR) for the local Wadstucky Gazette

Introduction

2009-02-26T14:52:00.000-08:00

Before going any further, let me tell you who I am.

My name is James, James Guilford.

By day I'm an assistant manager at Smears Hardware and Gifts.

By night I'm a hellion in front of my computer.

I live on the first floor of a 32 story apartment building.

I'm not really sure why the small town of Wadstucky has anything that big.

There are more apartments in my building than there are people in the town.

I enjoy sledding, playing games, laying in hospital beds, and women

(though I really don't seem to have any luck with them)

Thinking of Devising a Plan

2009-02-25T17:20:00.000-08:00

I stood, bowl of Ramen growing soggy in my hand, and thought about what Dave had said.

What ever happened to superheroes? Those caped avengers

flying through the night sky and ridding the world of evil.

If we had more superheroes, our world wouldn't be as hectic as it is now.

In fact, a superhero was just what our country needed!

Dave Comes Knocking

2009-02-24T07:50:00.000-08:00

It all started with a knock on my door.

It was my neighbour from Apartment G-1.

Dave wasn't my favourite of people.

He usually came down to ask to borrow odd things...

like a ball of string or a cup of matches.

Today he just waved a newspaper at me and interrupted my breakfast.

I handed him a yo-yo to distract him and returned to my bowl of Ramen.

first there was nothing... then there was:

2009-02-23T06:27:00.000-08:00

FAILURE MAN!!

2009-02-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

Dirty Mexican booty plunderers of Brunswick

The Start of it All

2009-02-20T09:59:00.001-08:00

In the beginning there was nothing.

Then there was...

In the beginning... there wasn't anything worth mentioning

2009-02-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

So really... this is just practice... expect more exciting stuff later on!